The Beginning of My Health Journey

Three years ago, when I got really serious about this health journey and began taking action, it did not matter to me one bit whether anyone would support me or not. I was focused and determined to get my body to a better place of health. I mean, you could have sat in front of me eating the biggest bag of salty, crunchy potato chips (my kryptonite) and I wouldn’t have even flinched. Fast forward a little bit into the journey and it became a different story.

My husband was incredibly supportive of my newfound determination to treat my health as a priority, however, he was not immediately on the same path as me. It would be a while into this thing before he decided that he needed to take action regarding his own health. During this time in between, there were evenings when our dinners looked very different. He would indulge in pizza or nachos, while I stuck to my SkinnyBox™ the1MEAL guidelines and options laid out in my program.

Occasionally, when I would grab a chip from my husband’s plate, complete with ooey-gooey melted cheese and sour cream, I would immediately be filled with guilt before I could finish chewing it. Even if I didn’t further indulge, this would send me silently reeling down a spiral blame game that only reinforced the areas of work that I needed to tackle regarding my own relationship with food.

I would tell myself that had he not made the nachos or eaten them in front of me, then I would not have “cheated” or had a bite. There are so many things wrong with that thought, but we will stick to the blame aspect of it for today’s topic.

Understanding Blame and Projection

Blame is an interesting projection in that it tells us so much about the person doing the blaming – and in this case, that would be yours truly. Projection is about attributing your mistakes and shortcomings onto someone else in order to protect your emotions and preserve your image. And since blame implies responsibility and fault, it is a really quick way to escape someone’s own guilt, shame, or regret. Ugh! Just typing that realization makes me want to crawl under a rock. Is there a better teacher than our own mistakes?

“A man can fail many times, but he isn’t a failure until he begins to blame somebody else.” ~ John Burroughs

I love this quote. It exposes the blame game for all that it is. If there is truly a failure to be assigned then it is when we decide to make someone else responsible for our choices. You’ve heard me say over and over that we can only control ourselves. I believe that statement wholeheartedly. And because I believe it, I know that no one can “make” you do anything.

Owning Your Actions: Alternatives to Blame

Back to the plate of nachos. Instead of silently blaming my husband for my actions, I could have taken responsibility and owned those actions. I could have owned up to the fact that I lacked personal accountability and had plenty of other options that I simply did not choose. Options like…

1. I could have left the room to breathe, clear my head, and think through making a choice without the temptation being present.
2. I could have tried to drink something before caving to a food temptation.
3. I could have incorporated a Mexican spice or condiment into my own dinner to mimic the flavor I wanted from his meal.
4. I could have worked to identify the emotion that I was feeling and trying to avoid.
5. I could have spent a few moments confronting the discomfort I was feeling for a predetermined amount of time before making a choice.
6. I could have shared my emotions with my husband, who would have surely listened and helped me work through it.
7. I could have voiced my need for more support and greater accountability in that moment.
8. And lastly, I could have acknowledged that maybe I just needed to honor that craving and have one bite instead of allowing that craving to potentially lead to a binge – thus leaving me a victory instead of a failure.

Building a Supportive Environment

Now, I am in no way negating the need for personal boundaries or minimizing the need to surround yourself with people who will support you with their actions at all costs. However, we have to be willing to share with those who can support us in our everyday lives and then be honest about what we expect it to look like along the way as they do. Blame will only incite fear and corrode trust. Two things that you do not want to sow into your support community. The support piece of this puzzle regarding your health journey (or any journey) is priceless and the last thing that you want to do is damage it in any way.

Learning and Growing: Personal Revelations

My other favorite quote is by Maya Angelou who said,

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” ~ Maya Angelou

I would like to think that three years and 100 pounds later, I’ve learned some valuable information and had some incredible revelations to help me “do better.” I will say that the most incredible revelations have been the ones about myself. They have helped me to understand and believe that…

• I am in control of only myself.
• I am strong and getting stronger every day.
• I am completely capable of showing up for myself.
• I am the one who decides how much effort I will give to reach my goals.
• I am able to make decisions that I am proud of on any given day.
• I am able to own my actions and hold myself accountable when I do not make a good decision.
• I am able to learn from any decision – good or bad – and use it to my advantage.

Keep Moving Forward

Remember, you and I are forever growing and learning. Many times, we will have to resist the temptation to blame others and instead, forgive ourselves and move on to “do better.” After all, this journey is not one that is linear. There is no smooth even pathway to follow here. It is one filled with awesome high mountains, boring stretches of fields, and sometimes even a few deeply disappointing valleys along the way. But one thing I do know, it is worth it! And because of that, who could blame you if you just kept going all the way to the end?

Until next time, remember…you be good to you!