From Peak Success to Unexpected Crisis

A few years ago, I was stuck. And I mean like a hair-in-a-biscuit stuck. Myself and the entire world had just gone through what we all perceived was the apocalypse unfolding. Well, maybe it wasn’t that bad, but it sure felt like it at the time. The year 2020 certainly brought many stark changes to many people’s lives – including my own.

To understand what I mean, you would have to know where I was. Just one year prior to the pandemic, I was enjoying the success of many years spent working up to this mile-marker of a year in my career. See, I randomly began a stand-up comedy career in my mid-thirties and then spent the next ten years out on the road building it from the ground up. From getting paid in chicken dinners during the early years, to now being booked to entertain corporate dinners, I could see my hard work finally paying off. Going into 2020, I found myself booked with two major tours and would finally earn well above the six-figure mark – all of which seemed impossible when I began, but quickly became career goals that I had set for myself. Wow, it was all finally coming together! Except for one thing. . .I wasn’t happy.

Realizing the Cost: When Success Isn’t Enough

No one on the outside looking in would have guessed that I was as unfulfilled as I was in that year. Isn’t it funny, how you can follow a recipe to the tee and it still does not taste like you thought it would? That is exactly what this felt like. I had all the right ingredients, perfectly portioned, and carefully mixed. Yet, as my mama would say, “For some reason, that cake didn’t want to rise.” I was pretty sure that I knew why.

I will preface this with a disclaimer, so please hear my heart when I say this, I absolutely love doing comedy! There is nothing better than making a room full of people laugh and forget their worries for a while. However, years of juggling everything to build a new career, all while still serving in ministry and homeschooling both of my boys (not to mention, while being a wife and mother) had finally caught up to me. I was tired. Tired of missing moments with my family, tired of sleeping in hotels and even an airport or two. Tired of eating at remote gas stations when there was nothing else for miles, and tired of lugging my suitcase from the trunk of my car to the trunk of a Marloboro scented rental or heaving it into the overhead bin of a Boeing 737.

By this time, I was ten years in and anticipating enjoying the upcoming empty nest season with my husband. Well, except that I was currently on a fall tour where I had only been home eight days in six weeks and I knew at this pace, I would see very few days of that anticipated next season. Something had to give. This hamster wheel I was on was going faster than ever, but it was also making me sick. That is until 2020 became the “stick” that got caught in the wheel.

The 2020 Pause: A Moment of Clarity

I’ll never forget sitting in front of my laptop that day in March of 2020, watching email after email roll into my inbox. Bureaus were confused, bookers were apologizing, and event coordinators were calling for hold dates. Everyone was scared and scrambling. In just thirty-six hours, I watched an entire year of upcoming work wave goodbye. Not knowing what I was going to do or how we would make it through my sudden “unemployment”, I quietly closed my laptop and exhaled the breath that I had unconsciously been holding for the past year.

Rebuilding with Purpose: The Journey of Self-Discovery

It was the next breath that changed everything. As I closed my eyes and breathed in deep, I made a promise to myself that if I could build something once, then surely I could build something again. This time, I would build something that added fulfillment in every area of my life – not just success in one area.

That is when I started taking a hard look under the hood of my life. I began taking inventory of all the places that needed adjusting and even those places that needed overhauling. I decided to begin with the only thing that anyone can ever really control – ourselves.

Embracing Change: From Self-Neglect to Self-Care

Over the next year, I began to get really honest with myself. This included getting down to some emotional things that needed to be addressed instead of just setting them aside for “one day when I have the time to process them.” One big part of this process dealt with evaluating my relationships, and the biggest relationship was with myself.

I began to look closely at how I treated myself. If you ever want an incredibly eye-opening moment about the perspective that you have on life and how you see (and therefore value) everything in it, spend some time being honest about how you treat yourself. The more honest the evaluation, the more easily the remedy can come.

I began to see that I had been putting myself last for quite some time. I had been the last person that I would see about, mainly because I knew that I would wait – that I would understand that all of the sacrificing would be worth it later down the road.

Don’t get me wrong, working hard is certainly commendable, but not when it’s because you value what you do more than you value you. What you bring to the table will never supersede just being at the table. Your presence – more than your gift, talent, or role – is valuable!

Looking in a mirror I could hardly even recognize myself anymore. My weight was now at an all-time high. Inflammation was rampant throughout my body and my cortisol levels were through the rough. Stressed doesn’t even begin to describe where I was in this season. And why?? Because, I did not value myself. What we value, we protect – and what gets protected gets respected.

The SkinnyBox™ Transformation: A Tool for Renewal

I had some dear friends who I shared with about this newfound self-discovery. I was stunned to find out that they had been working on a weight loss program and they asked if I would like to try it. I had nothing to lose except the self-respect that I had just rediscovered and that was no longer up for grabs, so I said yes.

I went on the beta program that they were developing and that would eventually become known as SkinnyBox™. Immediately I began to see results. Did I lose weight? Yes! Actually, I ended up losing one hundred pounds in just ten months. Did I feel better? Absolutely! I’m still shocked at how getting rid of inflammation in your body will make you feel instantly younger. Joints that were aching suddenly quit hurting. Mood swings from rollercoaster sugar crashes instantly went away. Brain fog and cognitive malfunction ceased when metabolic processes were suddenly working properly again. Most importantly, the desire to thrive in EVERY area of my life was back! It’s true that you do not realize how sick you are until you’ve been healed.

Fast forward to today. I now have this sort of “mantra”, if you will. It is super simple, but when put into action it is really powerful. Here it is, “You be Good to You!”

Simple, right? You may be thinking that everyone wants to be good to themselves and wants this in their lives, so why would anyone need a mantra to remind them?

Well, it may surprise you to know that not everyone is good to themselves, or even believes that they should be. I know, because I’ve seen it time and time again. Oh, it doesn’t look like it at first glance until you get up close enough. But rest assured, spend enough time with someone and you will be able to tell how they actually view themselves.

Self-perception is the process of observing and interpreting one’s own behaviors, thoughts, and feelings, and using those observations and interpretations to define oneself.

Why is this important? Because how we view ourselves will determine what we believe about ourselves. And what we believe about ourselves will determine how we treat ourselves.

Interesting fact here, we do not do what we think or what we know – we do what we believe! That is why so many are able to say one thing, but actually do another. We may know something with our heads and recite it as a fact, but what we believe in our hearts is what we will actually live out.

For example, maybe you see that you continually binge, overeat, or snack throughout the day and maybe you are even ashamed of it. If so, you may be able to say to a friend that you think you could stop if you put your mind to it. But do you just think that or do you really believe that?

If you have a self-perspective that believes you will always be unhealthy and make bad choices, or that you have no control and never will, then you will live out of this belief. This self-perspective will keep you in a state of hopelessness that causes you to keep making choices that continue to reinforce that perspective. Why? Because that is what you actually believe about yourself – that you are hopeless.

Okay, you may be wondering at this point, how do I change what I believe? Great question! You will need to begin by re-engineering this problem. In other words, work backwards. How did you get here?

The behaviors you observed that caused you to believe this about yourself need to be stopped. You will have to put the brakes on whatever you’re doing that does not reflect that you are valuable to yourself. (Pro tip here, this is better accomplished when you can pinpoint the “why” of what is causing these behaviors.)

So, what needs to be addressed in order to bring change in your beliefs about yourself? Is it how you spend your time? Is it a need for more information or support? Is it reevaluating an existing relationship? Is it the need for personal or professional boundaries?

I’ve heard it said that you can discover so much about yourself when you find out what makes you laugh and what makes you cry. I’m going to encourage you to evaluate where you are in both of those scenarios and then to put the brakes on whatever may be making you cry. Start there first. You may not even be able to go deep into that yet, and that is okay. This may even feel like a mere band-aid in the grand scheme of things, but you have to start protecting somewhere.

Next, find out what makes you laugh. What brings you joy? Is it your family? Is it a dream that you are working towards? All of these things will need your whole self, however, they can only request it. You will be the one who has to require it. Again, we can only control one thing in this world and that is ourselves. You will have to show up for you before you show up for anyone or anything else. And you are hands down worth showing up for!

On the surface, it may look like SkinnyBox™ was my answer, but in reality, this program was an incredibly amazing tool to help express the answer. The answer was finally daring to believe that I was someone who was worth taking care of – that I didn’t have to deserve or earn it.

See, if what I originally believed about myself was a dark hole, then SkinnyBox™ was a rope! Truthfully, looking back on that season, it was my lifeline.

Conclusion: Believe in Your Worth and Thrive

Today, if I could tell you (and if those who love you could tell you) you are absolutely worth all that is needed to be whole, healed, and fulfilled. You don’t have to do anything incredible or spectacular in order to “deserve” health and happiness. You only need to dare to believe that you are worth having it and the rest will follow. Friend, we are all counting on you, but more importantly, we are all cheering for you.

Until next time, remember. . .you be good to you!